While this blog is titled “Called To Mothering”, I couldn’t do what I do as a mother without my children’s dad. He works hard every day so I can stay at home with our kids, and wholeheartedly supports me homeschooling and writing about it.
He’s the man behind the blog. 🙂
I can’t imagine our lives without our son and daughter, but I’ll be honest, I do miss those child-free days. When our schedule didn’t revolve around children’s activities and we could just decide to get away somewhere on a whim, without having to find a babysitter. When we weren’t practically shouting over the competing voices of young kids have a conversation.
I turned 23 the summer we met, and he was 25. Those ages seem so young to me now, all these years later. Back then, we had our whole lives ahead of us and were starry eyed with dreams of our glorious future together.
Before the gray hair and the stretch marks. When we were still in that “eat, sleep, and breathe” one another phase.
I used to be the girl who just walked over to him and wrapped myself up in his arms for no reason. I was the girl who, when we were apart, would miss him so much it felt like the breath got knocked out of me.
I was also the girl who went out of her way to make him his favorite meal or dress a certain way that would capture his attention.
Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority?
Now I’m the woman who yells, “No jumping on the bed!”, “Stop annoying your sister/brother!”, or “Put that back!” I’m the woman who is frantically trying to contain the plethora of toys to one room.
I’m the woman who is too emotionally and mentally spent at the end of the day to enter into any kind of meaningful conversation with another adult.
I’m the mother consoling, disciplining, and wrangling two kids, wishing she could turn back the sands of time to have one uninterrupted night alone with her husband. And not just to have it, to treasure it.
But somehow I spend more time planning lessons and play dates than I do date nights. I’m too busy hugging and kissing my kids to share some of that affection with their father.
I’m so focused on the needs, wants, and desires of our children that before I know it, I’m neglecting those of their dad. I get so bogged down with the daily, mundane tasks of child rearing and household managing that I sometimes forget to cultivate the relationship that started this family in the first place.
What the Bible Says About Putting Your Spouse First
If I want to teach my kids anything, they must first know that they can rest securely in the fact that their mother and father’s marriage is healthy. It is, after all, supposed to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:21-29).
I don’t want them to reach adulthood, ready to go off on their own and start their own families, without having had a good example of what marriage is. Not just having been taught that you stay together for the long haul, but that you also keep finding ways to love, communicate with, and serve one another.
That you shouldn’t lose sight of each other somewhere between the very first cry of your firstborn and the “I do” of your last. I don’t want to arrive at the empty nest phase and discover that we were merely roommates all those years.
I need to start being intentional about the most important earthly relationship I have. Marriages between one man and one woman that actually last are going the way of the dodo bird these days.
I don’t want to be swept up with the extinction. My children certainly deserve better.
So I will mother less and play the role of wife more. I will carve out time for the one who I couldn’t wait to spend all my days with. I will extend the same unconditional love to him that I pour out in abundance on our children.
I will make him second only to God, instead of our kids. And I will put myself into his arms for “no reason” again.
Be sure to also read: 5 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Strong After Kids
“I don’t want them to reach their twenties, ready to go off on their own and start their own families, without having had a good example of what marriage is.” Wow, that is IT, isn’t it? So much pressure on the one hand, but an incredible opportunity on the other. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your words!
Yes, it is an amazing opportunity especially because I didn’t grow up with a very good example. I had no idea that it was actually possible to stay married to one person and enjoy a healthy & happy marriage at that. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading the post!
Lovely! I am finding now that my boys are 12, 10 & 8 it’s much easier to carve out “us” time. Though we always made an effort to get away for a weekend just the two of us every year since our boys were born. We’d eat dinner after the boys went to bed a few nights a month as a sort of in house date night.
Eating dinner after the kids go to bed for a date night at home is a really good idea! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. 🙂
Good reminder for all of us thankful moms! Love how you described him as, the man behind the blog!
That’s his unofficial title. 🙂 Glad you were encouraged, Christina!
I love this! It is my daily struggle as well as I try to stay at home and “wrangle two kids” to find energy to spend time and give attention to my husband when he comes home at night. Thanks for the encouragement! I’m following from lovelylittlelives.com
Thank you Hannah! I’m really glad it resonated with you. After a long day with the kids, it can be so hard to make the effort to give our husbands the attention they need, but our kids are supposed to come third after God and our spouse.
I wanted to use a quote from you for my “Wednesday Wisdom” post today. I will link back to this article, is that ok? The line I wanted to use is this one: you shouldn’t lose sight of each other somewhere between the very first cry of your firstborn and the “I do” of your last.
Yes, absolutely! 🙂
Thanks! Here is my post for today, featuring your quote. Thanks for the inspiration! https://lovelylittlelives.com/2016/06/29/wednesday-wisdom-62916/
I’m so honored, thank you!!
I think this would be a lot easier to do, if we as moms had more support. Like, if my mom lived in the same town, or my husband’s mom, or a cousin or a sister, or…anyone! I don’t mean to whine, but raising kids takes all the life out of me more often than not. I don’t have time to sit and just ‘be’, every trip to the grocery store is made a million times more stressful…if I could just have some peace and quiet in my day, I would be a lot more attentive and loving towards my hubby, I’m sure. I feel like this could be a great outreach program for the church, or someone’s teenagers…forget the poor and hungry, help me, help me!! 😉 Lol, sorry for the lengthy comment and the whine, but this post really did hit close to home for me!
It is so easy to become a child centered marriage. I always have to remind myself husband that once the kids are gone it’s going to be and him. That’s why it’s so important to nurture our relationship. The thing is it is easier said than done. LOL.
“I will extend the same unconditional love to him that I pour out in abundance on our children.” Oh my goodness, you hit the nail on the head. So true. I used to be the wife that would wrap myself up in his arms for now reason and now always feel myself being the first to pull away because there’s just so much to do. A great reminder, to slow down and appreciate one of the most important relationships in my life today. Great post!
Ugh. I didn’t need another reason to be emotional tonight! 😉 Lol, I am only just over 1 year into motherhood and I already feel all these same things you spoke of. I just don’t know how or when my life won’t revolve around a screaming baby, and one that doesn’t sleep well, so we don’t even have moments at night to talk (or anything) without a baby taking my attention. Then hubby goes off to sleep and I’m up alone with my thoughts (and usually the baby lol). I miss the carefree, ‘eat, sleep, breathe each other’ days, too, even tho I am so blessed! Thank you for sharing this. <3
I feel you! This phase seems like it will never end, but trust me it will pass quickly and you’ll find yourself missing the baby stage. 😉 I wish I had treasured those moments a little bit more now that my kids are almost 8 and 5. The stage they’re in now is pretty great, though. 🙂
Thank You So Much for writing this. I am 45, our boys are 15 & 10 and I love muy husband dearly but..i just don’t show it like I did in the beginning..
But that doesn’t mean that I have to stay this way. Reading this reminded me when we were dating and first married, how I would kiss him out of the blue, sit next to him in his truck, hug him longer and for no reason except to feel how safe and loved I felt in his arms.
So on Father’s Day, today, I’m going to go back to being that gaga-in-love girl I use to be!!!
What a priceless gift that keeps on giving!!
Thank you again for this reminder <3
Sincerely,
Sherry
We do need to show them a healthy marriage and then demonstrate love and respect to him so they kids will learn how to do that. Thanks for the reminder.