It was approaching 2:00pm, and not much had gotten done in the way of housework after a morning of playing, reading, and lessons. There were toys all over the living room, dirty laundry still in piles waiting to be washed, and dishes stacked in the sink.
Growing anxious about the messes and the shrinking amount of hours left in my afternoon to tackle them, I freaked a little a lot.
I told the kids to start cleaning up, and got major attitude from my son. I forget the exact words he said, but they felt like a punch in the gut.
I sent him to his room and went back to sorting clothes. And the tears began to sting my eyes.
“I give, and I give, and I give, Lord! Everything I teach and instill and pour into them. The sacrifices I make homeschooling. It’s not worth it if I’m going to be treated this way.”
And there, on my knees in front of the washing machine, I heard God gently say “You’re not failing at this.” Then he reminded me that I am parenting children with sinful natures.
Shocker, I know.
Spend any amount of time with young children, and you’ll realize this. It’s something most of us moms easily forget, even though we spend a great deal of time and effort teaching them about Jesus. Why do we do this?
We realize on some level, that while more adorable than the rest of us, they need rescuing from their sins too. Their hearts are bent towards their own desires and they need a Savior like anybody else.
We know the importance of teaching our children the Gospel and witness their impulsive, selfish behavior day after day, so why are we shocked when they behave like sons of Adam and daughters of Eve?
Why are we so quick to blame ourselves, or worse, other parents?
It’s the same reason why we harshly criticize the mom and dad of little kids that go missing or of teenagers who wind up as prodigals. It’s why we publicly ridicule the parents of an adult accused of a serious crime.
It’s also why people support and defend “the right to choose”.
We have come to believe that children are just an extension of their parents. If our child accomplishes something amazing it’s our accomplishment, right? If they’ve failed miserably, it has to be because we’ve failed in some way.
But your children are not a reflection of you; they are made in the image of God.
They are going to be tempted and don’t yet have the tools to resist, or sometimes even the ability to identify their own emotions. They are going to have those moments when they struggle with sin, and even sin against you, but these shouldn’t define your worth as their mother.
It is an unfortunate part of the shared human condition.
Us moms carry the weight of our children’s mistakes and flaws on our shoulders, internalizing every one as our own. But we don’t need to.
Let Jesus do that.
He is the one who bore our kids’ sins in His body on the cross. He is able to carry that heavy load.
We know we’ve been forgiven and that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Why do we pick the shame and guilt back up when we have kids?
Our responsibility as parents is to guide them on their faith journey and provide an environment which fosters a love and respect for the Lord.
We instruct them according to the Bible’s teachings and lead them to Jesus, then we let the Holy Spirit do the work of convicting.
We want so badly for there to be a formula that produces the desired outcome. Fortunately, we have a God who is able to watch our kids when we can’t.
He knows every single next step they will take. He can, yes, even weave a wayward child’s story in such a way as to redeem him or her.
There are many things within our control, but a lot are simply outside our own power. Understanding who ultimately determines our children’s future and well being allows us to let go of mom guilt and walk in freedom.
I remember when my daughter was in preschool and her teacher told me she was pushing kids. I was so hurt because I took it personally. You are so right sometimes when our kids do something that is the opposite of what we teach them, us parents thinks it ‘s a reflection of us. However, I have to remember my parents instilled a lot of great values within but I’m still an individual and made my own decision.
That is a profound truth right there, and it’s something I often forget. I know in theory that my kids are their own person, but it can be hard to live that out and let them go their own way, even if it means making mistakes or (gasp) suffering the consequences of sin.
I love this, Marisa. It’s so easy to count our children’s weaknesses as OUR failures, and that puts unfair pressure on both them and us. But that is not God’s way
I so appreciate this encouragement! It actually was exactly the word I needed this morning, so thank you!
P.S. I’m definitely sharing this : )
I take things my kids do personally too. It’s rough and I’m not the best mom when I respond to the bad behavior. Your thoughts are encouraging!
Great post! As a mom to two boys with autism there are so many times that I try to push them beyond what their capable of or try to cover up their behavior in public because I’m worried how their behavior reflects on my parenting. In the meantime, they are struggling to handle themselves and by worrying about others it only makes it worse. It’s a constant battle of reassuring myself that it doesn’t matter what others think, shrugging off the looks and doing what I know in my heart is right. When I can do that everything goes so much more smoothly. Thanks for a thoughtful post.
Such needed encouragement for all mothers! Although my children are not so young anymore, that guilt seeps in even duirng teen and young adult years. Thankful for God’s grace to fill in the gaps of imperfection and for His care over them beyond all that we are able to provide. Love your heart for motherhood! You should share on Fresh Market Friday where we select a Featured Fresh Find every week. Yours is a perfect fit!
Thank you very much for your kind words, Crystal! I hopped over to your link-up and shared my post. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing. I needed to be reminded that my children’s choices/ behavior is not a reflection of me and that they are little people in need of a savior just like me. Reposting on my Facebook fan page https://www.facebook.com/theodoralove3.
This is such a tremendous, biblical encouragement. I totally agree we need to keep in mind that our children are imperfect not because of our flaws or failed parenting, but simply because we are all fighting the same struggle: the sin nature. Great post! Pinned and shared on Facebook!
God bless,
Patty
Thank you so much, Patty! 🙂
So much Truth that I needed to hear! Thank you!!!!
I find myself so often wanting to be the Holy Spirit to everyone… I needed this reminder to just let go and let the true Holy Spirit do his thing. 🙂