We have an interesting problem as Christian parents in a postmodern culture: this conundrum of sheltering children from influences of the world, yet not leaving them in a position where they’re unable to interact with it.
We want to produce the perfect hybrid of a child who is both innocent and worldly wise. I’ve wrestled with how to accomplish this myself, over the last several years of being a parent.
Most of us tend to worship at the altar of public opinion when it comes to this issue of shielding our children. Even our own church leaders tell us that they must be submerged in the culture so they can adapt to it.
We can all point to at least one real life case study of a kid whose parents sheltered him his whole life and then one day he went off the deep end. And we all know some of those “weird, unsocialized homeschoolers”, right? 😉
In But Not Of The World
Relatability is now somehow our highest priority as believers, as if becoming like the world is the only way to win lost souls. However, in an effort to be relatable to the lost, we have become virtually indistinguishable from them. We have hidden our lamps under a basket. (Matthew 5:15)
And we have unnecessarily exposed our tender, young children to the poisonous elements of a culture that hates the very thing we teach our kids to love.
Because we live in this fallen world, we are not exempt from its effects and we have no choice but to come into contact with it. It’s not realistic that we even could shield our children from everything, without becoming hermits. And that’s not really a choice, since we are called to impact the world for the Gospel.
But there’s a difference between loving the world and loving the things of this world. Are our kids’ heroes icons of pop culture? Can they sing the lyrics of the latest song on the radio by heart, but have no idea what the gospels say?
Raising Alien Children
2 Corinthians 1:12 gives us an example of how we ought to live as believers in a secular culture:
For our proud confidence is this: the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and godly sincerity, not in fleshly wisdom but in the grace of God, we have conducted ourselves in the world…
We cannot forget that we are foreigners (aliens) and we must raise alien children – children who are not surprised by or afraid of this culture, but know how to impact it for the Gospel.
Our kids shouldn’t be so at home in this world that they become desensitized to the very things that our Savior died for.
If we continually feed them- and ourselves- with entertainment, literature, and education that rejects God’s Word and bases its thinking on the idea that man determines truth, we end up normalizing sinful behavior.
As I’ve pointed out before, homosexuality shouldn’t have been the tipping point for Christians to start boycotting movies and canceling trips to Disney World.
Many Disney films are already filled with violence, sexual content and innuendo (often between people who are not married), cursing, blasphemy, witchcraft, and all sorts of other unbiblical behaviors that reflect the secular culture that we live in.
We should be angry at sin, but never shocked. Shock means we got too comfortable here.
It means we made ourselves at home in the enemy camp and were offended when the enemy tried to kill us in our sleep.
Why is it that so many Christian parents send their children to secular schools and feed them a steady diet of secular entertainment, and then are surprised when their children actually become secular?
We’re warned as aliens and strangers to “abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul”. (1 Peter 2:11) Instead, Christians sadly often embrace and justify sin as humorous or entertaining, and we begin making excuses for our behavior.
Sheltering Rather Than Isolating
I understand there being a fear of, or resistance to, shielding so much that it takes away a child’s choice. If all they ever hear is they’re not allowed to do something, they probably will rebel.
When my son and daughter ask me if they can watch a certain tv show, listen to a particular radio station, or even read a certain book, and I say no, I always explain my reason. I let them know I don’t believe those things would be pleasing to God, and that He wants us to fill our minds with whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and of good repute (Philippians 4:8).
I tell them that their father and I have decided to serve the Lord in our home, and because we choose to honor Him in all that we do, we will not watch, read, or listen to certain types of media.
Our motivation for sheltering cannot come from fear, but out of obedience to God who has entrusted these children to us.
As parents, we need to recognize that our kids still have free will and can choose to reject the faith. That’s why we lead them to have their own personal relationship with Christ.
We walk beside them while they’re growing and maturing, and teach them about the world while offering the cover of our protection. Instead of skipping over or crossing out sentences in books that present, say, an evolutionary perspective, I confront those statements from a biblical worldview.
I don’t just tell my kids things like evolution aren’t true; I engage them in actively discussing and seeking out answers to the world around them. In our home my kids get a crash course in apologetics and investigate the claims of skeptics.
They learn that science and faith aren’t mutually exclusive. Laying the foundation for a biblical worldview involves training our kids to “examine everything carefully” (1 Thessalonians 5:21).
And yes, when the time comes I will teach them also about God’s beautiful and perfect design for sex.
If public education and Hollywood are trying to indoctrinate our kids, then we must indoctrinate them first. When the time comes for our children to leave the safety of our homes, and they are surprised by challenges to their faith, we haven’t done our job as parents.
Children’s hearts need to be “greenhoused” until they develop deep roots in faith, before they’re ready to be transplanted out into the world. Through our discipleship and training, they will be equipped to defend their beliefs to a world desperately in need of what they offer.
And we also have the privilege of praying for our kids what Jesus prays for us: “I do not ask that You take them out of the world, but that You keep them from the evil one.” (John 17:15)
Oh my friend – so good and beautifully written!! I was just discussing this topic with someone dear to me. I agree so much. It All is an issue of the heart. We need to explain the heart (God’s Heart) behind our why. The depth of the issues they face continues to get harder for us as they grow, but by God’s grace they are grasping His truth, His heart and His perspective -which translates into gospel living. We need to be obedient to the Lord’s calling as parents to navigate this path of in the world and not of the world. All must be done through His strength and His filter as best as we are able . He holds all in His loving hands! Thank you for this. Scheduled to spread the word ?
I love that you said “by God’s grace they are grasping His truth, His heart, and His perspective which translates into gospel living”- this is so spirit led! Thank you very much for sharing, friend. 🙂
I really enjoy reading your blog posts. They make me take a good, hard look at myself and my parenting. I’m not “there” yet, but I am working on it. Thank you!
Thanks Heather, that is very encouraging! I really appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment. 🙂
Thanks for these words of wisdom! Very well said, and great encouragement for us parents to be immersed in God’s word so we can recognize the things of the world in the first place. I’m very thankful that my own parents (who homeschooled us kids) had a good balance of being in the world but not of the world. Certainly not always the easy route when even Christian culture trys to convince us otherwise, as you mentioned. I don’t want my kids “adapting” to the world, thank you!
I’ll definitely be passing this on!
That’s awesome your parents gave you such a godly example, and now you’re passing on their legacy to your own children. Thank you for sharing the post with others, Natasha! 🙂
Great visuals! Enemy camp, greenhouses–this is good stuff. Thanks for the practical suggestions alongside the exhortations and warnings!
I’m glad you appreciated the imagery and exhortations too, Jennifer! Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
This is a wonderful article. Thank you!
I do have a question? Not everyone can afford to send their children to a private Christian school. All of my children have gone to public school and my oldest is now a Freshman at a public university. They love the Lord and he is the Lord of our home. All Christians make bad choices. We are all sinners whether we are in public school or not. My husband and I take the opportunity to use things that happen at school as life lessons. I don’t think it’s fair to say that our children will become secular if they go to public school. Will they be exposed to secular views, yes. Absolutely! But, isn’t that what your article is about? Teaching your children God’s truth in a world that doesn’t put him first. My nieces were extremely sheltered and went to christian schools their whole life. Later they were home schooled. They have denied Christ in college and are completely of this world. I agree that there is a balance we have to maintain while keeping our eyes on Christ, however, I don’t think putting our children in private Christian schools is the answer.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Cindy. To clarify, I did not say that putting children in private Christian schools was the answer. The point of my article is that we should teach our children how to engage with the world while they are under our protection (shelter), so they are not fearful of or shocked by it. There’s being exposed to secular views, and then there’s immersing our kids fully in an environment that is completely secular- one that teaches everything from an anti-Christian perspective. I listed several ways that I equip my children with a biblical worldview in our homeschool, which is absolutely necessary for dealing with the challenges to their faith they’ll encounter. I don’t know your nieces, but my guess is that they were sheltered in the way I spoke against. It is likely they weren’t prepared to refute the scientific and philosophical arguments against Christianity they heard in college.
Love love love this! We miss so many opportunities to mold our kids if we aren’t talking to them about these things. Mine are teens now, and I think they get tired of watching anything we me and my husband. We’re constantly pausing things and saying, “That’s a worldview, you know.” 🙂 Regarding the topic of evolution, I couldn’t agree more with you, too. It’s a topic that my husband is passionate about, and has taught at many churches and youth camps around the country. Digging in to other worldviews is the only way to teach our kids to think critically about them and find truth. Parents and churches need to do a far better job of teaching how to do this, because if not, we are leaving kids open to a secular worldview.
Pinning to share.
“Digging into other worldviews is the only way to teach our kids to think critically about them and find truth”- YES! I love that you take the time to pause so that you can intentionally point them out. 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing, Susan!
This is such a helpful post and I love the greenhouse analogy. My youngest has recently being saying he is an alien, lol, and reading your alien reference has given me a way to explain some things to him about why we don’t watch everything available that looks entertaining.
I’m so glad the reference to being aliens was helpful, lol! 🙂 What a great way to reach him on his level.
I came across your post on Pinterest and your article has come at just the right time for me. I am so aware that although my daughter has to live in the world I really don’t want her to be ok with the evils of it. Thanks for helping to point me down the right path.
I’m so glad it helped you right where you are! It can be a scary world to raise our children in, but we can give them the tools they need to thrive in it. Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂
I really appreciated when you said, “Laying the foundation for a biblical worldview involves training our kids to “examine everything carefully”” Teaching our kids how to interact with culture in a way that examines it and compares it to truth from Scripture is huge!
Marisa, this is another great post. I like how you talked about engaging the child in thinking. There is definitely a fine line between sheltering and shielding our children, just like there is a fine line between sending them into the world and throwing our lambs to the wolves. I think the answer lies in teaching a children to filter things through a Biblical perspective. It also lies in – as the child becomes older and is ready – letting the child have the independence to make their own choices.
I love this. My sister and I have been having this conversation. We raise our children in a similar way. I love that you pointed out that this shouldn’t have been what drove us to boycott Disney. Yes, it was stated and blatant and should’ve drummed up a response, but we so often ingest sin under the banner of entertainment. It’s scary. Not just for our children. I think it has to start with us as parents. Just because we are adults doesn’t make it ok to be entertained by overwhelming amounts of sin. It’s not that I’m there, it’s a process, but it’s one I want to be obedient in. I want to be an example not just in word, but in deed. I want to guard my own heart so that my kids see that we choose that as well. And I absolutely agree on your points of telling them WHY!!! They need answers and when they understand WHY something is not ok, they are so much more readily accepting. Thank you for your wise words.
Yes, it is so important to be that example not just in word but in deed also. If we’re not living out our faith in front of them, it becomes all about rules instead of relationship. Thanks so much for your encouraging comment, Danielle! 🙂
I love this! I just started a blog and finished my first post today. One of the subtopics of it has a lot to do with this! Can I link your post to mine? This is some great information that I think would be relevant to my topic!
Hi Rhea, I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment until this morning. I just checked out your article on leading your toddler to Christ, and it was brilliant! I would be honored if you linked my post to yours. 🙂
This was a very timely read..I was just having this discussion with a friend who believes that homeschool shelters children from the real world. I informed her that my husband and I don’t plan to shelter, but to equip them to be able to go out into the world and save souls. This is a war and we will not send our little soldiers out prematurely.
I loved reading this, it is truly inspiring. I do have one legitimate question, how do single mothers have a chance at home schooling? I do not want my six year old son in the school he is in, but I’m his sole provider.
Hi Christi, that is a tough position to be in. While it is obviously more difficult for single parents to homeschool, there are many who do successfully educate their children at home. Some have found ways to start their own businesses or work from home which enables them to be at home with their kids and still earn an income. Sometimes grandparents or another trusted relative or friend are available to make sure the child is staying on task with online schooling and video instruction, in the case that a mother has to work outside the house.
God can work in seemingly impossible circumstances, so while it may not seem like an option right now, pray that He opens those doors for you to homeschool your son! There have been moms who wanted to homeschool their children, but their husbands weren’t on the same page. Through consistent prayer, however, God changed their hearts. I will be praying right along with you! 🙂