Making a meaningful connection with your child is one of the most impactful steps you can take toward purposeful and powerful parenting. Intentionally connecting with your kids is what securely attaches them to you.
When they’re securely attached, they’ll keep coming back to you as their home base- which is exactly what you want when your children are navigating those rough waters of the teenage years.
Thankfully, connecting with kids though not always easy, is simple. In the hustle and bustle of mom life, we have to remember that all our children really want is our time and attention. If we’re intentional about it, we can readily meet those needs!
Here are 9 of the most powerful ways to connect with your child daily which will lead not only to their happiness and security, but foster great relationships.
1. Greet Your Child With a Smile
We moms set the mood for the entire day. The old saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is actually rooted in truth.
One of the very best, and simplest, things you can do to give both yourself and your child a good chance at a great day is to smile at your child the first time she sees you for the day and greet her with a cheerful, “Good Morning!”
You may not “feel” particularly cheerful when you say it, and that’s okay. Sometimes, making the decision to smile and say something in a happy tone can improve your mood- and it starts the day off on the right foot.
Having that positive interaction with your children first thing is so important for your relationships, as it creates good feelings between you.
2. Show Them Meaningful Touch
When being intentional about connecting with your kids, it’s important to keep in mind that children need physical touch for emotional well-being and good mental health!
You can easily fit several meaningful touches in during the day for a school-age child. For instance, give a hug when they wake up. Then, a small squeeze as you pass by while they’re eating breakfast, and a hug again before they head to school.
When they come home give another hug, and then put a hand on their back or plant a kiss on their forehead during homework. Give an arm squeeze when they’re putting their plate in the sink, and then finally a big hug before bed.
3. Mention You’re Glad They’re Yours
Telling your child, “I’m so glad that YOU are my son!” or “I’m SO glad that I get to be your mom!” goes a long way in filling up their love tanks.
There are a lot of families in the world, with a lot of kids. As your child grows up, he’ll become aware of his short-comings. You can take great strides to help your child develop a tethered sense of self and security with himself and the family by verbalizing that you’re happy he’s yours!
4. Do What They Want for 10 Minutes
Even finding 10-15 minutes a day to get alone with each child makes a significant impact. If you have multiple children, you may have to alternate spending special time with them on different days.
During your alone time, it’s good to let your child decide what she wants to do. Kids don’t feel like they’re in control of much, but they need practice making decisions and getting a sense of what it feels like to have control over something.
Doing what your child wants provides both an opportunity for her to make a decision, but even more valuable is that you’ll be showing her that you value what she values.
5. Repeat Their Words Back to Them
When your child comes to you with a problem, complaint, or frustration, one of the first steps to take to solve the issue is to say back to him, “So what I hear you saying…?”
Doing so prevents issues of misunderstanding from arising. Your child can’t say you don’t understand if you do understand, and he knows you understand because you repeated his exact feelings and thoughts back to him. He’ll feel heard and understood, even if a solution isn’t easily reached.
6. Take Interest In Their Interests
Children deeply so connect with their toys and hobbies that they almost see them as an extension of themselves. By taking an interest in something your child really likes, you are taking an interest in them.
This can be hard when your child takes an interest in things that annoy you or seem to make no sense. However, the psychology of the matter is real. Kids deeply self identify with their toys and hobbies.
So, while you don’t actually have to LOVE every single thing that they love, do take an interest in them. Ask your daughter questions about her favorite doll. Let your son explain the characters in his favorite cartoon, or book.
7. Use Their Love Language
Learning your child’s love language is one of the most useful pieces of information you can have as a parent. Your child’s love language is the key to showing her love in a lasting and effective way.
Often parents can make great attempts to show their child that they love her, but she still may not always feel loved. This happens when we do the things we like to show love, when our child actually feels loved through different ways.
Discovering your child’s love language and intentionally doing one thing that speaks love to her heart is more powerful than five attempts to show love in a language she doesn’t understand.
8. Talk Positively About Your Family
There is power of life and death in the words you speak. So, talk positively about your family with your children. Say that they are unique and special.
You are not doing some injustice to all the other families of the world. You are merely making it known to your child that your family is somewhere you can all be proud to be!
This helps your child feel a sense of belonging and inclusion: two feelings that are necessary for a healthy mental state.
9. Be Present
Connecting with kids requires presence. With housework to do, a spouse to emotionally support, and all the various demands of life, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of simply existing through your days.
Unfortunately, each day that passes is a precious piece of your kids’ childhood you’ll never get back. But all of the steps I’ve included in this list can be made into habits. Habits, once formed, require no real effort. They just happen.
By making as many steps to connect with your kids into habits as possible, you’ll be present for your child. And being present is the key to a sincere connection and meaningful relationship.
Furthermore, your relationship with your child is the only real influence you have in his life. By investing in it while he’s young, you are securing the ability to speak into his life on those weighty and important matters when he’s older.
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