Another popular Christian blogger announced her divorce this week.
In this situation, it was her husband who decided to dissolve the marriage. But he did so in the same vein of being unhappy, as this blogger wrote about three months ago.
When did we start thinking that marriage is primarily about our happiness? We now have an entire generation of people who believe they are entitled to a life of comfort and ease. If something feels too hard, no worries; they can just quit on it.
Even if “it” happens to be your spouse and family.
But marriage, first and foremost, is supposed to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the Church. The enemy wants to tear that picture down off the wall in your home and destroy it. From the very beginning, he was about the destruction of marriage and family (Genesis 3).
The Bible articulates other reasons for the purpose of marriage as well. The following three are the most important, in my opinion:
From this list, we see that marriage provides us with lifelong friendship, sustains life on earth, and brings us closer to God through the process of sanctification.
It is not for the purpose of our happiness.
When you subscribe to the view that the main purpose of marriage is to make you happy, it’s easy to see why so many marriages fail. As soon as the fun stops or the romantic feelings fade away, people quit and the marriage collapses.
Marriage is God’s design, and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.
Please don’t expect your kids to be concerned with your own personal happiness, either. That is a huge burden to foist on them. They don’t need a parent who feels fulfilled by another human being; they need to feel safe and protected.
I understand there are situations where there is abuse or adultery, and those are serious, yes. The Bible allows for divorce in certain circumstances such as these. But to conclude that it’s acceptable to walk away because you feel unfulfilled or unheard or even unloved, is just plain selfish.
The blogger mentioned above describes how she came to the decision to leave her marriage, which includes a summary of her new book:
Love Warrior is a book about self-trust. It’s a book about a woman who has painstakingly learned that there is a still, small voice guiding her through this brutiful life one next right thing at a time. And that the only thing she cannot do – not ever again – is betray that voice… And by the way, success to me is not staying in a marriage — it’s staying in my own peace. At all costs. And so, even when it’s highly inconvenient – even when it feels CRAZY – I will listen to the voice, and I will obey it.
Listening to the voice inside of you and not betraying it. Prioritizing your own peace above all else. Being true to yourself. It all sounds pretty good.
Except that “still small voice” may just be a big, fat liar.
In nearly 14 years of marriage, I’ve felt that “totally hopeless, beyond all repair” feeling more than once. I’ve felt like I was just fighting a losing battle.
But it was a feeling. It wasn’t true.
Oh, it certainly felt true, but then again all lies from the devil are very convincing that way. He wants you to feel like the only “hope” you have is in walking away. He wants you to buy into the baloney of irreconcilable differences.
But moms, there is hope for your marriage- because of Jesus. Because He went to the cross for you, for your husband, for all the things you will ever do and say to each other.
For all the wrongs and all the misunderstandings and all the scars. He can rebuild trust, change hearts, and redeem.
If you’re in a marriage that feels hopeless, I want you to know, you’re right.
Without Jesus, all marriages are hopeless. We are selfish, sinful people, who, when left to ourselves, will always choose what we think is best for us.
But with Christ all things are possible.
I know this because the very Word of God says so. And I’ve watched Him work these truths of Scripture out in my own relationship to bring healing and restoration. I know what it’s like to fight for my marriage on my knees.
When you go through some pretty tough circumstances and come out on the other side with your marriage intact, being even better than before, that’s a powerful testimony to the redemptive work of the Lord in your lives.
And it will speak volumes to the children you are leaving a legacy to.